Does anyone else find that in life there is one particular person in front of whom you never fail to make a complete arse of yourself?
I’ve realised that this is the case with my agent’s lovely assistant, Laura. Whenever I see her I’ll invariably trip over something, drop something, spill something, say something unintentionally ridiculous, bang my head on a shelf, pull a telephone off a desk while crossing my legs – basically I turn into a walking, talking Mack Sennett two-reeler whenever she’s around and I’ve no idea why.
Now, most of the time I’m a normal, capable member of society, it’s just whenever I’m in Laura’s presence I turn into a relentless buffoon. Only last week I was waiting in reception and she came to fetch me and offered me a cup of tea. I stood up from the chair, leaned in to give her a literary-luvvie style kiss on the cheek, and managed instead to land a fair-to-middling headbutt smack on her cheekbone. She sent me a very nice e-mail later apologising for the ‘awkward greeting’ (that was nobody’s fault but mine), which is when I realised that I always, without fail, make an arse of myself in front of Laura and it’s now so bad that the poor girl is in serious danger of being hospitalised with concussion just by saying hello.
Is it just me that this happens to? If not I have devised a new term for Laura and her ilk, these people who never fail to somehow unleash your inner Norman Wisdom.
Laura is officially my klutz-nemesis.