Poor old Liechtenstein has been getting it in the neck a bit lately. It’s all to do with tax evasion and secret banks accounts and all kinds of things that I don’t understand (my own dealings with the Inland Revenue display a wonderfully naive – and expensive – innocence), and big scary countries leaning on them and looking menacing. There’s also been an election, and the Liechtensteiners have elected a man with a name that sounds like a sneeze. It’s been a while since I’ve been back but I may be heading over soon for a very exciting reason (and it’s certainly not to withdraw my tax-free millions now the heat’s on, that’s for sure). More news as it happens; don’t touch that dial.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen a Charlton game, what with not living in the same country anymore, but as you’ll see from the league table they’re doing their very best to make sure I don’t miss them, for which I am grateful. On the rare occasions Charlton matches were shown live, I was never picked out by the big screen and television cameras. It’s not something I’d particularly craved – nobody wants to be put off their half-time pie by my phizzog looming twenty-feet high on the jumbotron – but I often wondered how I’d react. Most people seem to react in two ways. Sometimes their IQ drops to single figures and an otherwise rational person starts leaping around, waving, gurning and usually shouting “hello mum” (even though the chances of her tuning in to Charlton Athletic against Middlesbrough when Coronation Street’s on the other side are nil). Others spot themselves and tug frantically at the sleeve of their neighbour, whose nose is buried in the match programme, while pointing at the screen but there’s never time for the person next to them to look up before the picture cuts away to another shot.
I’ve always hoped that I’d do something different. A wry raise of the eyebrow, perhaps. A dignified lifting of my plastic cup of Bovril in salute. Maybe some shadow puppetry. Whatever I’d come up with though, nothing could match this guy, at a recent Boston Celtics match. This is how to react when the camera picks you out in the crowd…